I respectfully decline this concept.
Every time someone special in my life has passed, the flowers that people brought to their funeral made me smile and remember the happy times, rather than focusing on the sad time of losing them.
It is my opinion that there are two groups who “In lieu of flowers” serves. The funeral directors who used to have to organise the flowers (which at some funerals could be a huge task!) and charities who get the donations.
This concept does not necessarily serve the people who are grieving a lost loved one. If the loved ones are against cut flowers, then perhaps this concept serves them well. Even so, there are many options which do not involve cut flowers. I once sent an amazing flower garden via Teleflora who have a great range of plants you can send which can be planted in a garden.
A year and a bit ago, I went to a funeral of someone I considered a great friend. The announcement said in lieu of flowers. I said, hell no. I am going to take a beautiful flower arrangement so that my friends daughter would have beauty to take home with her. I went to my local florist and I asked for apricot roses, and she had some absolutely gorgeous mini roses, so there were a lot of flowers.
People gave me the side eye when they saw my flowers. That is what upsets me the most about telling people in lieu of flowers. All of a sudden, if you bring them, you are the world’s biggest a**hole. Well, I DECLINE THAT!
On this occasion, the funeral director was super lovely, and told me there would be a time in the service where I could take my flowers and put them on the casket. As I was the only one with flowers, I was the only one that got that special moment, to go up and touch her coffin and say a proper goodbye while one of her favourite songs played, to say goodbye to someone who made my times at work extra special, to someone who I looked forward to seeing, and whose passing left an enormous hole within me and within my workplace.
At the end of the service, the coffin disappeared, not to be seen again. The flowers did re-appear, in the arms of exactly the person who I had intended them for. It made me so happy to think that she got to take them home, and I hope they put a smile on her face, like flowers always do for me.
It is not an offensive thing to do and why should you not show your sympathies in a way meaningful to you. Bah, on them.
I prefer to take or send flowers too. I haven’t been to many funerals, but have sent flowers the few times I haven’t been able to attend personally. my sister in law had enough flowers to sink the Titanic at her funeral, she was so well liked in her town.