One of the bloggers I read regularly has little melt downs when they write a post and nobody comments on it. Watching this happen is not an easy thing for any reader, but for me it is extra difficult because I am the kind of person who doesn’t normally lie to people they think of as friends. I don’t like to sit by and pretend that I’ve never seen this happen before. It has happened many times.. It seems to me that this is some kind of cycle, a pattern of behaviour.
If you are a blogger and you base your worth as a blogger on the amount of comments you get on a post or you find yourself hesitating before you press the publish button because you’re afraid of what people might think, it turns out you might be a people pleaser.
It is hard to say goodbye to someone – even if it is someone you’ve never met in real life. The more I think about it the more I believe I have to do it, because I am enabling this person to continue their pattern of behaviour – and when I speak up and point out that they have an issue in this area, they attack me rather than face the issue. Honestly these days I have a lot of things on my plate and I don’t need someone treating me this way.
Have you ever made the difficult decision to walk away from reading a blog? How did you manage it?
I would hope that there are many other more important things that mean more to a person than comments on a site. Obviously negative comments can be mean and hurtful but we all are going to have to deal with them from time to time and not taking them personally is for the best. Yet, even good comments or the sheer number of comments should not inflate an ego. Sometimes regular readers will just give positive comments because they consider themselves a friend and wouldn’t want to leave any negative feedback. I try to look more at the number of visitors I have and the number of unique ones and new ones. Those make me feel like people are visiting and reading what I have to say, whether they comment or not. I like to think my blog attracts people and retains a lot of readers. Although those numbers don’t make or break me, they do indicate that maybe I could do something more with my blog and that makes me happy. :)
I’ve stopped reading several blogs and it wasn’t hard at all. Most of the overseas ones weren’t all that interesting since the subject was mostly irrelevant to me here in Australia and by commenting on them I noticed an increase in spam emails, mostly from Canada, exhorting me to “buy cheaper medications” or “increase the size of my penis”, “have more and longer orgasms” etc. A couple of other blogs were full of complaints, “my life sucks, feel sorry for me”, that type of thing. I simply deleted these from my favourites list. But I still get too many of those spammy emails………
Oh My Gosh! I’m a “Don’t Rock The Boat, Passive-Agressive” people pleaser!
Some of the time. Gotta do something about that.
Yeah, I’m a people pleaser. If people don’t tell me at least a couple of times a day that they love me, I get all neurotic. Only I don’t usually tell the whole world that’s how I’m feeling! ;) And I am exaggerating just a tad here. ;)
But if no one EVER commented on my blog – dunno if I’d still be blogging. Well, that would save anyone having to make the decision about whether or not to keep reading wouldn’t it???? LOL.
As for saying goodbye to blogs. I find I tend to read them less and less over time. They kind of drop lower in my “priority” read. So I guess that makes it easier. If it were a blog I was regularly active with (like commenting regularly), I would find that a lot harder.
I suppose there is a loyalty to some blogs that I’ve been reading for a while but like any relationship, if it’s turning sour then it’s time to let go baby!
I am actually turned off by blogs that beg for comments. Sound like a hypocrite seeing I participated in Delurker Day and such things.
I figure if you put in the hard work of commenting on others blogs then people will comment. I read blogs that have very few comments (1 or 2, including mine, cause as you know I am a comment addict) and others that have 70 or 80. Sometimes the lower comment count ones are better quality. I guess it all comes down to the type of readers a blog attracts. The more techy ones tend to have very few comments and the personal/humourous ones lots.
But if a blogger is abusing people for not commenting then I say walk away. And suggest a good counselor.
Wow,
I can’t believe someone is that hung up on comments. Not everyone that reads blogs likes to comment as there are many non-bloggers out there that read blogs. If it’s that painful to read a blog, I would just slowly stop reading it and finally turn my back and walk away. Time is precious and if you aren’t getting anything out of reading the site, then it’s time wasted.
Snos, I’m definitely not a people pleaser, nor am I passive in any way. Sometimes just being friendly and giving encouraging/needed advice is shrugged off, while others take offense and start a war of words.
I have enough things on my plate to keep me busy, so when I’ve unsubscribed from blogs it’s because I lost interest over a period of time and found no reason to comment.
One of the biggest problems I’ve run across with blogs I used to be subscribed to is their posts didn’t leave any room for a comment. There was no question to answer, no request for suggestions or something to add to the post. Nothing. Most of these I’m referring to are very “niche” focused, and even when I had commented on posts, they blogger/author never once replied.
There are too many other great blogs with fabulous content to participate in then get myself all worked up over ridiculous blogging behaviors. Just hit Delete and don’t look back. :)
It all depends on what you’re interested in at the moment. People’s interests change weekly so I think a lot of people jump from blog to blog periodically. Or sometimes you come back to a blog after a long time and read all the updates you’;ve missed. Quality blogging will always have people return. :)
To be honest, there are so many blogs out there, I couldn’t even BEGIN to comment as much as I would like! The more blogs I discover, the longer it takes to check in, and the choosier I am with comments. It’s a balance – if something really hits a nerve/touches me, I’ll leave a comment – if it doesn’t, I’ll wait til next time. Commenting every day just for the sake of it seems very impersonal… and robot like. Takes the whole purpose out of blogging.
I recently tidied up the blogs I read as was getting too many in my Google Reader. I am scared that I have lost readers this year because I really have not given any interesting posts. Things will be changing very soon though and I seem to have attracted a few permanent readers. That is the best feeling of all.
hmmm, comments aren’t everything but they are nice.
When I wig out about comments (and, I admit I do quietly sometimes wish I had a larger readership) I pull myself up and remember why I started blogging in the first place and in the beginning, that the only people who commented were my mum and a couple of friends.
But to become that concerned over comments that you are really loud about it? I say it is time to move on, especially if it specifically directed toward you as an individual.
Just as a side note; I don’t tend to comment on the blogs who have heaps of comments.
That is a great article. I have something sitting in my drafts about it right now. :)
The fact is, if you write a post and nobody has anything to say about it, all you need to do is write another post the next day. Regularly flipping out is ridiculous. And counter productive. There is only so much people can invest in being encouraging, both in real life and online, when the person doesn’t want to actually do anything about it. So stop reading if you want. You’ve obviously tried to provide them with some honest feedback which could help them. There isn’t anything more you can do, and it isn’t your responsibility.
Apart from that, if this blogger’s friendship extends beyond the borders of their blog, it would survive you no longer reading it anyway. If it doesn’t, where’s the loss?