A little bit of scheduling error!

So, I scheduled 2 posts for one day a couple days ago, well done me. :)

I’m having a really tough time at work at the moment. As far as I am concerned, I am going in for my second to last shift ever tonight. And just by doing that, I am giving management bullets for their gun with every single call I take.

By the time you read this, I’ll have been there for a good couple of hours, and I’ll be counting down the minutes till I can leave.

It is an awful way to feel. It is an awful place to be. It takes every last millimeter of willpower within me to drive there, get out of the car, and go inside.

I’ve taken pretty much everything I own home already.

There is a meeting set for next week during which I fully expect to be fired, perhaps for making a joke, or for doing my job correctly but having that mis-interpreted by someone who has never ever done my job.

Imagine – whatever field you might work in – me, who has never done your job and knowing nothing about your job, coming in to sit in judgment of you. Or not me. Imagine it is some random you pass in the street.

The one good thing about todays shift is – it will be the last time I ever work with someone (possibly 2 someones) I truly despise. This time, I might even say some of the things which have been festering inside me out loud, in front of other people who know those things I have been thinking. That might feel good.

I’m just letting myself wing it now – not making any plans and not really caring much about the outcome because I’ve already made my decision. I don’t want to work there anymore. I’m ok with not working there anymore.

After six months of being a fake shell of who I am, too scared to say anything for fear I would be fired, I’ve come to terms with the fact that it *will* happen. Now, I’m gonna be me, whether people like it or not.

I’ll have more to say about this here, once the meeting is over. Or maybe I will just make one post, let it all out, and then move on. We’ll see. Play it by ear. Wing it. :)

Angry Snoskred, Annoyed Snoskred, work

This happened.

 

So. We went out.

Shopping. At a shopping centre which one will not name.

As one does, one needed to use the facilities.

One entered the stall to find the following written on the back of the door –

a1

Jesus Christ is Lord. God sent Jesus to die for you

This was disturbing to ones mind. As one sat and considered the meaning of life as one is wont to do when one is peeing, one wished that one of the ten commandments was one shalt not graffiti.

Then again, one knows that interpretation is everything when it comes to the Bible. One could likely twist any random bible quote to suit.

Having the internet presently at hand and not currently on the throne, one has found this random bible verse generator with which one is certain you will get a verse that taken at its core and broken down truly means one must spread the word of God all over the back of toilet cubicles with a purple Texta.

One got the one about thou shalt not covet thy neighbours wife, or his ass. One would have to work really hard to twist that one into it is fine to graffiti as long as it is the word of God and not the work of the devil, though one does not doubt there are religious nuts who can manage it.

Previous to completing ones tinkle, one remembered that one had a sharpie in ones handbag. One forgets why twas there. One is sure one had a good and decent reason and not criminal intent.

Obviously this did not end well.

One has never in ones lifetime done a graffiti but Jesus or whatever deity inspired one this time.

So, one wrote “God does not approve of your GRAFITI. You are going to HELL.”

You know what they say. Photos, or it didn’t happen.

Well, either because one was now a criminal and on the run, or just sheer lack of talent, ones photos of the end result are either blurry or with a huge flash in the middle. Here’s the best one could do with what one took while on the lam.

a2

a3

It happened, all right. One certainly cannot explain *how* it happened or how one suddenly chose to become a Not Good Person Who Writes On Things With A Sharpie at the ripe age of nearly 40. Something just grabbed one and made one do it.

One is inclined to blame this one squarely on Jesus. He made me see red, your honour. One does not wish to be tele-marketed to in large purple letters whilst on the throne. This interrupts ones happy and random toilet thoughts.

Jesus also made me mis-spell Graffiti, your honour.

One would normally have spell checked it on ones phone, but in the heat of the moment and all that, Snoskred committed crimes against spelling as well as crimes against toilet cubicle walls.

The moral of the story, I believe, is simple.

Do not carry a sharpie in your handbag.

Annoyed Snoskred, embarrassing stories

Who Is It?

The Year Of Me is more difficult for the people around me than it is for me.

Sometimes people will want you to change. They will tell you how they want you to be. They will call it growing up or making progress or something like that. They will use words like “Assertive” “Honest” “Open” in combination with “be more”..

When you do what they want, they quickly discover that what they actually wanted was for you to stay the same. And then they get all bent out of shape because you did what they asked you to do and became who they said they wanted you to be!

So, what does Me do when that happens? Does Me turn back the clock and go back to who Me was before, or does Me say to that person.. get used to this Me, forget the old Me.

I’m not going back. No way. No how. I’m feeling comfortable in this new skin. This is who I am now. :)

About Snoskred, things to remember, work

Update On Everything.

PALEO – EATING

Things have been going well. I have been eating paleo for 23 days now. This will end tomorrow. It simply will not be practical to eat that way while in Sydney. I will not have a lot of control over the amount of sugar in things or the ingredients. And I have been reading about these gelato places for *months* and longing to try them.

This is going to be a very interesting thing, to see how my body handles sugar now. I wonder if I will get an appetite back. I still do not have one.

My intentions are to go back to Paleo when I return home, and start over again.

MEATINESS

I recently mentioned in my food exhaustion post about the huge amounts of meat involved with Paleo. On second thoughts, it is not truly that meaty. I think the reason it seemed like a lot more meat for me is because I did not eat very much of it beforehand. If I did eat meat, 9 times out of 10 it would be chicken.

I certainly didn’t eat things like pork or beef much previous to going Paleo – unless out somewhere and it was served to me as a surprise. An occasional pork roast, tacos with beef, a hamburger or a spaghetti bolognaise were the extent of my experience with those foods. I’m so excited about pork, I am a huge fan of it now. Beef I can take or leave.

I have been cooking meat in bulk which is not something I ever did before, so it seems like a lot more meat in the diet when you put in a 1.5kg (3 pound) pork roast, a 1.5kg beef roast or 4-6 chicken breasts into the pressure cooker. But most of the meals I cook in there I get 8+ meals out of and some of them end up frozen for eating later.

SUGAR OUTAGE

I think the most important thing for me has been cutting out the sugar. I think has changed everything.

I have always been someone who chooses full fat over fat free because I find what they replace the fat with is generally sugar and I have always believed fat is preferable to sugar because our bodies know what to do with it.

But if someone new to paleo was used to eating the low fat stuff, and they had a mindset that fat is bad, it would be a big change in their mindset. Plus, they would be used to getting those sugar highs from the “fat free” sugary food they were eating.

I was going to update you on my teevee watching but I have run out of time and could not get the images to cooperate, so that will come to you as a surprise later. ;)

food, life lessons, Making Choices, paleo

2013 : The Year Of Me

Here are some of my goals for this “year of me” I have declared. They are in two categories – goals I would like to achieve by the end of January, and goals I would like to achieve by the end of 2013 –

Goals for January 2013 –

– A visit to the doctor

– Blood tests to check thyroid function

– Gym every single work day for minimum 25 mins of cardio

– Add on one non work day to make 10 days at the gym in the fortnight

– Personal training session x1 to see if there is anything more I could be doing fitness wise

– Investigate laser hair removal (fed up with waxing!)

– sort out work (when I am available, when I am most definitely not)

– Pay off the credit card (I have enough in savings to do this right now but then that negates the point of savings, lol. It isn’t that much, less than $500)

That seems like a lot for one month, no? So what about the rest of the year?

– take no shit from anyone

– speak up when necessary

– weight loss goal of 20kg

– couch to 5k – make the 5k happen

– get some decent health insurance

– get sinus fixed (I suspect this will mean surgery)

– purge items which are no longer required in my life (got a lot of junk I can throw out/donate)

– save $4,000 (I could make it 5200 but I think some of the above is going to cut into this goal)

I may add to this list as time goes on – I think we’ll check in on it once a month looking at what has been achieved so far, and maybe each month set some monthly goals for that particular month. It is easier to break it down on a month by month basis.

Still very little movement on the scales. We’d be looking at 1.5kg loss for the last month, but I have lost that same 1.5 kg a couple of times now. This is why I think I need to get things checked out. It should not be this hard to lose the weight, I have never had any trouble in the past.

Ok yes I am older now than I ever have been before, but I know I am working very hard at the gym and watching what I eat and not seeing the results I think I should be seeing. In fact I did better the week where I did not watch what I ate at all, and also went to Outback Steakhouse for a high calorie food coma meal!

Anyway gotta run, if you are making a goals for 2013 post, link to it in my comments ;)

About Snoskred, challenges

Shit Bitch

In our family, when someone acts shitty for no apparent reason, we have a word for that.

Shit bitch.

Well a pretty shitty thing happened to me today and the person who did it is now, in my opinion, a certified shit bitch..

Two days ago, I spent an evening wrapping 30+ presents for fellow staff at work as well as 8 team leader/manager presents.

For the 30+ presents, I made a Xmas lolly bag. It had chocolate and various other lollies in there. Each gift had a tag with the name of who it was for, and that it was from me.

There is one person at work who I do not have a problem with, but she does not like me. I have no clue as to why. I have only ever worked in her presence three times for an hour each time, and nothing happened during those shifts which explained her anger, bullying behaviour, and nastiness towards me during those shifts. I barely know her, and she barely knows me.

I did raise her behaviour with my manager because it was not ok, we have to work as a team, and it was supposedly “handled” but to be honest on the one shift I worked with her since then her actions towards me had not changed, so rather than complaining about her behaviour I just have avoided being placed on shifts with her up to and including swapping shifts or saying no to shifts when I could easily have worked them.

I could have – and briefly did consider – leaving her out of the gift giving. But my thought is if you do it for one, you do it for all. You don’t leave someone out. It isn’t cool, in my opinion. And I thought how she would have felt to see everyone else with my gifts and not to get one herself – this is not something I would be happy about and I would never do that to anyone else. It is not who I am.

So yesterday I took the stuff to work. Everyone who was not there, I placed the item in their pigeon-hole.

When I arrived today, I found that this person had put their gift into my pigeon hole.

I honestly can’t believe that a grown woman (she is in her late 50’s maybe early 60’s) would act in this childish and immature manner. If she did not want my gift, she could have thrown it in the bin and I would have been none the wiser. But to deliberately reject it in this way.. and make such a big point of it..

I have no words.

I will keep taking the high road on this. BUT.

There is a but. And it coincides with an announcement I have not yet made here on the blog. About 2013, and me, and work, and stuff in general.

I am declaring 2013 the year of *me*

I’m not going to do anything which interferes with my happiness, mental health, wellbeing, fitness, or me in general.

I am going to focus on the things I enjoy, the things I love, the things that keep me healthy and well both mentally and physically.

So in this situation it means, I am going to make some changes at work. And you know what? People might not like that. I have always been flexible and bent over backwards to help out when people were sick or they needed extra hands for whatever reason. For the majority of the time all it has earned me is the occasional good work.

And yet, when they “handled” this problem I was essentially told they are running a business and they cannot make sure that I am never rostered on with this person, and we have to be professional yada yada yada. Which I always was, and this person never has been yet!

Well guess what? This person works a specific regular shift on specific days. Our times on shift would only ever overlap by an hour. To make sure we are not rostered on together *is* something I can do, and it *is* something I will choose to do in 2013 though it will mean being less flexible with my shift times.

Because 2013 is going to be a year in which I do not put myself in positions that cause me angst and rob me of sleep.

I’m saying no to it. ;)

Annoyed Snoskred, bitches, taking the high road, work

Making Changes

Change is never an easy thing to accomplish.

“Experts” say that you must do something 21 times in order to change a habit. I have found in general it can be slightly higher than 21 times. But if you focus on it and keep trying, you will get there. You will make changes.

A couple of weeks ago I stumbled across a teevee show on MTV, oddly enough. And watching it, I realise that if someone had done this for me when I had just finished high school, I would be an entirely different person now, and I certainly would not have the weight struggles I have now.

The name of the show I am not a huge fan of – it is called I Used To Be Fat. Some of the people on the show were not what I would consider to be “fat” just larger than your average stick thin teen. But after finishing high school they were given personal trainers and access to more healthy food – a target of weight loss – and a calendar which told them how many days to going to college. You can watch episodes via that link, by the way. I recommend Jordan, that was my favourite one.

What happened with these people – with *one* exception – was absolutely inspirational to me. It kicked me into gear and made me go to the gym every.single.day for an entire week. Even when I didn’t want to, or it was super late at night, or I felt unwell. I still went.

It got me doing exercise at home on top of the gym work. It showed me exercises I could add into my day. It is the thing that makes me say – after doing a shift at work and finishing at 11pm – I am going to the gym NOW.

But there was one person who did not succeed on the show. Tanner – epic fail dude! The reason he did not succeed is because he was not making the changes for himself – he was making them for his girlfriend, who had absolutely no care or compassion for him and after seeing how much time he was spending at the gym instead of with her, she dumped him. Which sent him into a spiral of not doing well. Then just as he was getting back on track, she un-dumped him, causing him to focus on her instead of exercise and healthy eating.

You have to want it.

You have to want it for yourself

Not because you think you need to do it, or because someone else said so, or because you feel bad when you eat something unhealthy or because you don’t like how you look in your clothes.

You have to wake up one morning and say “I value myself enough to eat decently and make sure I get some exercise”. And then you have to commit to it, and kick your own butt if you don’t do it – not by guilting yourself, but by making sure you do it the next time.

But most of all, you have to keep putting one foot in front of the other. You have to keep going even when life tries to derail your train. If you eat something bad you can’t endlessly guilt yourself over it. You say done can’t be undone make a better choice next time – and then follow through.

You have to challenge yourself.

And with that said, I am challenging myself. It started with trying to run on the treadmill which I would only do if nobody else was in the gym in case things went terribly wrong (like I fell off, or couldn’t keep up, or something)

I managed it twice with nobody else there – walk for 2 mins, run for 60 seconds, walk for 2 mins, run for 60 seconds, walk for 2 mins, run for 60 seconds.

And then I had done it a couple of times so I thought things went ok, I’m giving up on caring what other people might think, I know at least I won’t fall over and I know I can do it. So I did it with people in the gym, and it went ok.

And I have kept going with it. Every day for the past 4 days, I have done 15-20 mins on the elliptical, and then 9 mins on the treadmill with a cool down.

Then today I discovered Couch to 5k.

And it looks pretty much like what I am doing already, only I am doing it in a smaller way. So my plan over the next few weeks is to extend the amount of times I do the running (eg 4x, 5x, etc) and slowly work my way up to the 20 minute thingy, and then work on it from there.

It might take a bit longer than 9 weeks for me. We’ll see. It’d be nice to be that kind of fit..

challenges, exercise, life lessons

Check In

Where has Snoskred been?

I was stuck in Hawaii for 3 weeks after my Dad had emergency surgery over there. The last couple weeks since getting back have been a little busy to say the least with work going into busy mode for the Christmas season etc.

I’ll get around to telling you more about that, and about life changes I’m going to be making as a result of what has happened, when I have more time. Which will likely be in the new year..

Have a very Merry Christmas, and all that. ;)

About Snoskred, travel

Counting Down!

My good friend Sephy who I have never met in person arrives in Australia this weekend. We have multiple plans of awesomeness, and at the end of that we fly off to Hawaii with my parents – Sephy on his way home to the US, and me for a happy holiday and shopping trip..

I’ll try to put some pics up of our antics touring various places in Australia and certainly you will hear all about the shopping in Hawaii. :)

Happy moments for all! ;)

The garden is looking very awesome and I’ll update with some pics later this week when I have a moment..

General Chit-chat, Sephyroth, travel

Mineral Water With Orange

I’ve been nowhere near any kind of regular soft drink in over a year now. It may even be longer than that, I can’t be sure.

I made the switch to mineral water. This was not an overnight love or even like. It took effort and determination on my part to learn to like it. Now, when I rarely end up with a soft drink as a surprise, it is far too sweet for me and I can’t drink it.

One of the things that helped me to learn to like it was adding fresh fruit to it. I often added slices of lemon or lime but then one day I added strawberries and that soon became my favourite. Then I tried slicing up an orange the way I like to slice them up – this is also one of my favourites. I put all the orange slices into a cup and then add mineral water.

So how do I like to cut up an orange?

Cut the top and bottom off the orange. This will make it so you can easily sit the orange on the chopping board, ready for the choppery!

Start trimming the peel off the orange. This is a delicate process because you want to keep as much of the orange as possible.

Continue trimming off the peel and pith. Keep going until you have done the whole orange. Then flip the orange over, you will likely have left some extra pith/peel on the bottom. Trim off any extra pith/peel

Halve the orange, being careful to cut in between the sections.

Quarter, and trim out the central column. You can then put the orange pieces into your mineral water – I like to make them a little smaller so I can fish them out in bite size pieces with a fork.

This way you get a serve of fruit with your drink.

orange

It is awesome, it tastes fantastic. I highly recommend it. Great summer drink!

food, recipes, yay