The Grand Finale is about to start here in Australia, so here we go!

Apparently there was something like 97 million votes. Whoa! One David got 56% and one David got 44%. So you might ask, which one am I hoping to see win? Patience people, I’ll tell you during this two hour finale.. They check in with the home towns, and then the top 12 appears on stage. All in white and wow, check out Syesha – the only competitor wearing something short on stage and what a pair of legs! She really grew during the competition. I remember one show right at the start of Idol where she wore something so terrible I thought she’d be kicked off just based on that.

Now David Cook appears, singing and then the other David joins him, singing Hero. Let us see what fascinating feats of shaving Cook has indulged in while waiting to find out his fate. Looks like just a little bit of trimming since last night. I really am not in love with the furry and the new goatee – it isn’t a good look.

Now they descend into some lame ad for a movie involving what looks like Mike Myers dressed as a guru who is apparently their spiritual advisor – and he agrees with me about the furry! You’re on tv, shave, says the guru. But other than that, this is lame with a capital L.

Then the Guru appears on stage with Ryan. He predicts that the winners name will be David. Yeah, that is kinda a given. Ryan gets on the Guru’s flying pillow and that was pretty funny. Then Syesha takes the stage, looking gorgeous – and then Seal appears to sing with her, also looking gorgeous. No wonder Heidi adores him.

And now for some ads, during which I will share with you which David I am hoping will win. I liked both the Davids equally right up until the last show – I thought they had both been very consistent during the show, I liked David Cook’s rock style (but was starting to get tired of those stupid boots – there comes a point at which you get a bit silly making something your “trend” and David hit that point about two weeks ago when he almost fell over due to those silly shoes – it’s not worth breaking yourself over!) and I liked what he did with the songs. He reminded me a lot of Lukas Rossi on Rockstar Supernova, taking the songs to a new level and making them his own.

Archuleta has always been cute, there is no doubt about that. He can really sing, too – as long as the song isn’t too fast. His voice is better suited to ballads and when you find what you’re good at, you should stick with it. David has done exactly that.

Ads Over – here is Jason Castro with Hallelujah and this is my favourite song of his. This song always reminds me of The West Wing because it played in there at some point – Jason does this song very well. Now he isn’t in the competition he performs a lot better but he is shaking like a leaf and has to use two hands to steady the mike.

This is something new – include the advertising in the actual show itself. There’s a Ford Ad (not that there’s anything wrong with that, I drive a Ford and I luuuuurve it) but why did I just sit through 5 minutes of ads here? Ford gives both the Davids a Ford Escape Hybrid. Nice!

Then the final 6 girls perform together, all in red. These group performances are fairly sucky, I think most people are over them. Again Syesha shows that she has her eye on the prize – that being a record contract. She’s doing everything right and looking as stunning as she currently does I have no doubt she will get one.

Now, while Donna Sum(ner? Mer?) performs on the stage, lets get back to the Davids. As I said before, the final show put one David miles ahead of the other. Archuleta was the best last night, there is absolutely no doubt. As always it comes down to song choice and he chose the best songs for his voice. David Cook sounded quite shouty at times, and at the end of the show you could see in his face that he wasn’t happy with his performances.

I am hopeful that the right David will win, but to be honest it doesn’t matter which David wins, both will more than likely put out a record. I would prefer that Archuleta gets it, but according to people.com Cook will win it. There’s pages and pages of comments on all the David VS David threads, arguing about which David is better. Sigh. Of course a lot of the comments get personal and are very childish – I remember seeing Archuleta being called a “monchichi” at one point. WTF is that supposed to mean? Is that some kind of odd insult?

Carly and Michael take the stage. Snore. I don’t find the Token Aussie cute or a good singer actually. And there have been some annoying ads here on Aussie TV with him in them for the Finale. Ryan reminds everyone that you can see the idols on the tour. We’re only 43 minutes into this finale and they bring out some lame comedian who is probably a star in the US but I’ve never heard of him.

And now the top 6 guys sing a song I hate more than any other song, Summer of 69. Oh, look, Bryan Adams songs – could it be that Bryan Adams is going to appear on stage? Call me psychic, I don’t know. But his songs suit Archuleta perfectly. And he looks so cute singing it. And guess who appears on stage. Can you guess? Could it be? Of course it is – Bryan Adams. Maybe I should be working with the police finding dead bodies or something being so psychic!

So the final two kinda reminds me of an Aussie final two, which was Guy Sebastian and Shannon Noll. Both have music careers in Australia now, but when they were the final two fans were feral about which one should win according to them. Look people, insulting the other competitor does you no favours – I personally believe it brings bad Karma to your chosen singer, so don’t do it. And what is with calling the opposing singer Gay? Is that supposed to be an insult? I am not sure what straight or gayness has to do with singing.

That was the big insult that a lot of people have used with at least two different Australian Idol contestants – Guy Sebastian (who just got married last weekend, yes to a *girl*) and Dean Geyer (who if I recall correctly is engaged to one of The Veronicas, a band which frankly I can’t stand).

David Cook performs with ZZ Top. I love these guys. I hate those stupid boots Cook is wearing. Clearly at some point a stylist has told him to glue them to his feet. Ironically, he is singing Sharp Dressed Man.

They jump to Cook’s home town, and some chick in a gold outfit does a lot of screaming. Ohhhkay then. Brooke White takes the stage with some guy – I missed that cos Seacrest doesn’t speak slowly enough sometimes. Snore. Brooke White says “Graham Nash” at the end, so that was probably who it was.

How long can they drag out the results? I’m guessing 1 hour and 45 minutes we might get close to finding out who has won. In the meantime.. Cook was pitchy last night, that was what annoyed me. If you’re going to get to the final two, you should be able to sing three songs hitting the right notes. Archuleta hit one wrong note the whole night, somewhere in the end of Imagine.

Please welcome to the stage platinum selling artists – No Name! Who the Fark are these people Ryan? A part of your job as host is to clearly tell us who these people are. I have no clue because frankly I don’t listen to top 40 music these days. But the lead singer has some pants sprayed onto his legs almost like leggins. The someone brothers, according to Ryan.

And now it is time to show some of the worst auditions. I don’t know why the Idol people enjoy putting us through this every year. One of them is actually not a bad singer but he is wearing a crazy outfit. Reynaldo Lapuz is his name, and he appears on stage! With a bit of training this guy could actually release a cd, I’m sure. Paula gets on stage in a big red dress and dances to the song. Aww. Maybe a duet?

One Republic sing – I LOVE this song, only because they play it on ads for Gossip Girl here. And out comes Archuleta to sing it – oh I can’t wait to hear this. :) I turn it up. Open the eyes David! Else Andrew Lloyd Webber will hunt you down and spank you. Well that was quite lovely. Oh, the washing machine is beeping, brb :)

Drat, I hate it when the Other Half leaves the spin speed on high, I had to peel the clothes out of the bowl. So I miss a cross to David’s home town, and Jordin Sparks in an ugly gold dress which I bet cost an absolute packet. Which I’m actually kinda happy to miss. It is now one hour and 27 minutes into the finale, and we still don’t have a winner. Surely it is time, after the break?

WTF – is that Robert Downey JNR? Ben Stiller? Jack Black? The first one I mentioned is a shock, the other two not so much of a surprise. But hey, Robert can sing, ya’all remember Ally Mcbeal? Bring Robert out on stage to duet with the Davids, please? Robert can teach Cook about appropriate facial hair. :)

Carrie Underwood in a bizarre outfit a’la Celine Dion. Totally looks like something you would see on Project Runway. Ouch. Will this material train hanging from sleeves become a new trend? Don’t ya’all wish Cook’s stylist had told him to do that rather than the ugly boots? Or maybe the gold high heels? Cos I don’t mind those. But I do mind the oversinging. Yes, this is all very Celine Dion – the Kmart version, perhaps.

Oh wait, another ad. 38 minutes in. Will my prediction be right? One hour 45, I said. We’re getting close to my guess. In fact this set of ads could last till one hour 45.

Now, the top 12 – George Michael – can he really be here? Could it be possible? Oh please.. that would rock. ;) Eew – Amanda Overmeyer. Yep, I am predicting a George Michael appearance, as this is the second GM song now. And the guys and girls are all dressed up. This Father Figure song actually sounds pretty good when sung by the top 12. Freedom, rock it out people. You probably won’t have a great deal of Freedom after this is all over, so make the most of it.

Ouch, the camera work gets a little ugly, who are we supposed to be watching? Is this just a series of random zooms in and out here, or what? And again my prediction comes true – George Michael appears – minus facial hair. What is going on here? Did Cook steal it all? GM looks very strange without the carefully chosen stubble.

and it is now 1 hour 49 minutes, still no results. Why not, people? WHY can’t we know already? This song seems to go on forever, 1 hour 52 minutes, they’re cutting it pretty fine here. Are we going to find out who the Idol is anytime soon?

Ryan welcomes George Michael to discuss his first US tour in ages. And to another break which is likely to go on for another 6 minutes, leaving us with one minute to find out who is the Idol, then a quick song, then fade to black. Who will it be? Cook, or Archuleta?

And we’re back, here are the results, or not. Judges final thoughts – Great season 7 says Randy, they are both winners. Paule – she is honored and proud to be sitting here, and some story about being truly special – Simon Cowell – apologises to David Cook for being disrespectful, Simon doesn’t care which David wins. I get the feeling that the two Davids don’t really like each other too much.

And now, drumroll. Who will it be? The winner is David.. Cook – NOOOOOOOOO!

Aww.. Bye Archuleta. America your Idol is David Cook. You voted – we couldn’t. Cook puts on the tears, which will surely sell him a few thousand more records. Well, after all the build up, this is a bit of a non event – Cook gets a song called Time Of My Life – not the Green Day one.  It’s pretty sucky. Sometimes the one who wins get the worse deal – Archuleta can go off and do his own thang, Cook is tied to the Idol machine.

Cue the fireworks, cue the pitchy singing, I think this is how I would have felt if Shannon Noll won – a bit blah. No more American Idol – the show is over for another year. I would say night all, but it is just after mid-day here. :) So afternoon!