Sometimes, as a person with Aspergers, I make mistakes.
It would be so much easier for me if I would allow myself to delete them and pretend like they never happened. Wouldn’t life be so much easier if we could all do that, when we screw up?
But if I did that, I would learn nothing from those mistakes. These mistakes must remain in existence for a reason. I made myself a life rule some years ago – I must never delete something I type. Even when it would be so much easier.
These mistakes come along when I am feeling comfortable enough with people to type things I should not type, the things I should only think and never allow to be typed out loud.
And isn’t that an awful thing – to know that every time you begin to get comfortable with people, to settle in, to be accepted, to feel like a part of a community, that you are going to screw that up, possibly in un-fixable ways.
It makes me want to retreat, to hide, to disappear. And that is dangerous in itself.
I know I’m a good person. I’m generous, with my time, with my money, with others. But like everyone, I am not perfect.
Believe me, that thing I said wrong, I’ll still be kicking my own butt over it months, maybe even years later, long after you have forgotten it. That is the only way I can learn and make progress and not make that mistake the next time..
Been there, done that. And yes, try not to do it again. Sometimes, I admit, I get tired of watching what I say (or write) especially when I’m asked for an opinion. And sometimes I feel no matter what I say it’s going to end up wrong.
Kicking yourself for years is probably not helpful. Okay, yes, I do that too. I just don’t think it’s helpful.
I used to kick myself over things too, until one day I suddenly didn’t.
Guess I just became more accepting of myself and my mistakes.